Less talkie, more walkie.

As anyone who knows me knows right now, my life itself has been a bit dismantled lately by the undoing of my marriage. I’ve kept it pretty quiet online but I’ve spoken to many about it. It is as brutal emotionally as anything I have dealt with; however, I have been able to get a positive experience out of it by focusing on the positive and keeping my mind open to the lessons life has decided to teach me. I have been able to find a great deal of peace via a recent visit to Kauai coupled with a book called “The Art of Happiness” provided to me by my beautiful and compassionate friend Sara Warfield. The combination of events and the the book have seriously changed my life. I am making a conscious effort to be more compassionate in everything that I do. The only thing we really control in our lives is our feelings. It’s scary because it means that every time I get mad at some dumb electronic device and have a meltdown, I am the only one responsible for that. It’s liberating though because once I control my feelings, no one else can. It’s completely change the way I look at the world. My dry sense of irony is still intact, but my view of the world is more positive.

I have been having frequent and meaningful conversations with Heather and we are as good of friends as we’ve ever been. In some ways, I enjoy the time I spend with her now more than I have in years because the tension of the marriage has been eased. Some of my friends and family are struggling with not villainizing her and I truly hope everyone can sit back a little bit and put themselves in her shoes. She’s making an honest effort to do what is right for her and her intentions are pure and honest. Her effort has brought on an awakening in me as well that I and incredibly grateful for. Everything will work out fine and as long as everyone learns from the experience there is no reason to feel anything but thankfulness for what is happening.

People need many different relationships in their lives. People need their friends, family, etc. and the different things they bring to relationships. Intimate relationships are crucial to your well-being but you need to have intimate relationships everywhere, not just in your romantic relationships. Looking for everything in one person is kind of setting yourself up to be disappointed. I think Heather and I built our marriage on a solid friendship that was lacking romance. Maybe that works for some people; however, it caught up with us and neither of us is okay giving up that electricity to keep the marriage together.

I don’t know how to explain it. We’re great friends. We are great business partners. We would probably be millionaires in the next 20 years, but that spark, that primal thing, that chemistry, is missing and neither of us is sure if it was ever there. Do you give up the spark and stay married knowing that something is amiss? Or do you sacrifice the marriage and seek out that primal thing knowing that the intimate relationship you share will still remain even if you’re no longer married? How much is “sticking with it” worth and who are you doing it for? These are intense questions to really think about and the lessons I take from all of this justify what has happened.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I love all of my friends and family and am so fortunate to have the relationships I do. Have a good night everyone.